Today's blog has no topic, but here are some things I've been weirdly thinking about. Enjoy.
1) I seem to be suffering from some kind of strange post-Halloween syndrome where all I want to do is sit around a campfire and listen to scary stories. I'm not sure what one would call this disease, or what the cure is, besides maybe candy or a rainy day and a mystery novel, but I think it's definitely the weather's fault. It rained a lot today, and I was super into it. Normally, I don't like rain, but this was violent, scary rain, and I can get on board with violent precipitation.
2) November is supposed to be super cold, and it has been weirdly warm this weekend, which is ruining by murder mystery, s'mores-making buzz. This needs to stop.
3) Do you think that drunk college kid who invented the Snuggie ever graduated, or did he make himself a Snuggie of money? I'd definitely make myself a Snuggie of money and just hang out all day drinking hot chocolate with snowman shaped marshmallows.
4) I really want some snowman shaped marshmallows. Monica knows where to get these, because she got me some for Christmas last year. They tasted like vanilla. I must ask her where she found those.
5) I really want to go to Europe next summer, but I don't want to spend the money. Not even just to France, but I kind of want to go to Ireland again, or maybe Scotland, since I haven't been there yet. I just have the Europe itch, and also the 'I'm a poor teacher' conundrum.
6) That's lies, I'm not poor, I just don't want to spend the money.
7) There is nothing better than new music. Who has music I need to listen to?
8) There's no good TV on Sundays.
9) This blog is pointless.
10) I didn't want to end on 9.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: The Fog - Rachel Sermanni
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Welcome to Murder Farm
This week has been full of adventures!
Landen and I judged our very first ever IESA speech competition, and it was AWESOME. We love judging things even when we don't get paid, so it was particularly fun. And then we went to see Perks of Being A Wallflower, which was equally awesome, AND it became the second good movie we saw IN A ROW. We are on a roll! No one can stop us now!
No one...except a murder farmer.
Yes, that's right. Last night, Landen and I went to a place we now affectionately refer to as Murder Farm. It all started like this:
I was going to go to Chicago, and then Ang called and was like YOU CAN'T I'M SURPRISE COMING HOME FOR MY DAD'S SURPRISE RETIREMENT PARTY IT'S A SURPRISE. So I was like...okay, whatevs. And then, on the day of the surprise, I was all like...where is this nonsense happening? And she was all 'at some farm, it's by Chillicothe.' Which, clearly, is not specific enough. So I found the address, dragged Landen with me, and we made our way to this farm. We had some major GPS issues and ended up driving up and down one road like 7 times, passing the place we knew we were supposed to turn...eventually, we passed our friends Jess & Chris, who were also on their way to this mysterious party.
Together, we made our way into the farm, only to be told we had to drive down somewhere else, into the woods, to a secret cabin where the party would be held.
I should note that these people were probably not actually trying to murder us all. They're just normal, nice people who Ang has known for years. We just happened to be super unprepared for what awaited us at...
...Murder Farm.
So we're driving down this giant hill, and Landen is having a panic attack, because there's no road, and he thinks we're going to die. I think it's funny, so I turn to him and say, "Welcome to Murder Farm!" And then, it was history.
At Murder Farm, there is a cabin full of dead animals, an outhouse, a fire pit for burning the evidence, and a covered bridge, beneath which lurks the murder farmer, waiting for innocent passersby to cross the bridge unawares.
There is no light. There is no electricity. There is no one to hear you scream...except everyone else at Murder Farm.
Basically, it was the perfect setting for a murder movie. A crappy, predictable murder movie. We've decided to go ahead and pitch a script, entitled 'Murder Farm,' of course, which features our cast of friends. Jess dies first, investigating the sound of wood being chopped with a sharp axe. Chris goes after her, only to disappear into the cabin and never come back out. Landen and I, and the rest of our nameless comrades, decide that Ang must be the murder farmer, and we kill her for our own protection, only to discover in a surprise twist ending that Chris is still alive and that he is, in fact, the murder farmer.
It'll be a smash Halloween hit.
The best part of Murder Farm, though, was when we all left to go to a Halloween party, and I was the lead car going up the scary hill. I veered off to the left instead of the right and ended up getting my car stuck in some mud...stuck bad. In the dark. In a forest. Alone. With a murder farmer lurking close by.
Landen was super helpful and manly. As soon as I said, "Oh my god, we're stuck!" he immediately jumped out of the car, screeching, running in circles and flailing his arms, screaming, "We're stuck! We're stuck! Stuck at Murder Farm!"
So helpful.
Luckily, Jess & Chris were behind us, and they were more sensible. Once Landen stopped running around and screaming, they all pushed my car up the hill, and we all escaped unharmed from Murder Farm.
For now.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: 50 Ways To Say Goodbye - Train (one of the ways should be 'take a trip to Murder Farm')
And a mock-up of our future movie poster. Look for it in theaters next Halloween!
Landen and I judged our very first ever IESA speech competition, and it was AWESOME. We love judging things even when we don't get paid, so it was particularly fun. And then we went to see Perks of Being A Wallflower, which was equally awesome, AND it became the second good movie we saw IN A ROW. We are on a roll! No one can stop us now!
No one...except a murder farmer.
Yes, that's right. Last night, Landen and I went to a place we now affectionately refer to as Murder Farm. It all started like this:
I was going to go to Chicago, and then Ang called and was like YOU CAN'T I'M SURPRISE COMING HOME FOR MY DAD'S SURPRISE RETIREMENT PARTY IT'S A SURPRISE. So I was like...okay, whatevs. And then, on the day of the surprise, I was all like...where is this nonsense happening? And she was all 'at some farm, it's by Chillicothe.' Which, clearly, is not specific enough. So I found the address, dragged Landen with me, and we made our way to this farm. We had some major GPS issues and ended up driving up and down one road like 7 times, passing the place we knew we were supposed to turn...eventually, we passed our friends Jess & Chris, who were also on their way to this mysterious party.
Together, we made our way into the farm, only to be told we had to drive down somewhere else, into the woods, to a secret cabin where the party would be held.
I should note that these people were probably not actually trying to murder us all. They're just normal, nice people who Ang has known for years. We just happened to be super unprepared for what awaited us at...
...Murder Farm.
So we're driving down this giant hill, and Landen is having a panic attack, because there's no road, and he thinks we're going to die. I think it's funny, so I turn to him and say, "Welcome to Murder Farm!" And then, it was history.
At Murder Farm, there is a cabin full of dead animals, an outhouse, a fire pit for burning the evidence, and a covered bridge, beneath which lurks the murder farmer, waiting for innocent passersby to cross the bridge unawares.
There is no light. There is no electricity. There is no one to hear you scream...except everyone else at Murder Farm.
Basically, it was the perfect setting for a murder movie. A crappy, predictable murder movie. We've decided to go ahead and pitch a script, entitled 'Murder Farm,' of course, which features our cast of friends. Jess dies first, investigating the sound of wood being chopped with a sharp axe. Chris goes after her, only to disappear into the cabin and never come back out. Landen and I, and the rest of our nameless comrades, decide that Ang must be the murder farmer, and we kill her for our own protection, only to discover in a surprise twist ending that Chris is still alive and that he is, in fact, the murder farmer.
It'll be a smash Halloween hit.
The best part of Murder Farm, though, was when we all left to go to a Halloween party, and I was the lead car going up the scary hill. I veered off to the left instead of the right and ended up getting my car stuck in some mud...stuck bad. In the dark. In a forest. Alone. With a murder farmer lurking close by.
Landen was super helpful and manly. As soon as I said, "Oh my god, we're stuck!" he immediately jumped out of the car, screeching, running in circles and flailing his arms, screaming, "We're stuck! We're stuck! Stuck at Murder Farm!"
So helpful.
Luckily, Jess & Chris were behind us, and they were more sensible. Once Landen stopped running around and screaming, they all pushed my car up the hill, and we all escaped unharmed from Murder Farm.
For now.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: 50 Ways To Say Goodbye - Train (one of the ways should be 'take a trip to Murder Farm')
And a mock-up of our future movie poster. Look for it in theaters next Halloween!
Monday, October 22, 2012
The Procrastinator's Guide to Election 2012
I have been doing nothing related to the election this year. Or last year. Or ever. But apparently, there is ONE MORE DEBATE and it is now.
And seeing as how Bones isn't new because of said debate...I figured I might as well watch at least part of it. A very small part of it, because I can't listen to these dudes for two hours.
At least I'm not biased already...right?
Here's what I learned from tonight's debate:
1) We need to find new moderators. This dude has been on the screen for 30 seconds, and I'm already bored. Why can't Neil Patrick Harris host? He's cool, right? Not saying he has to write the questions or anything...but he'd at least be fun to watch. We could always Tweet him the questions we want answered! That's how America works now, isn't it? We should be able to vote on Twitter, like for American Idol.
2) 50 years ago today, JFK told everybody about how Russia was gonna nuke us from Cuba. I didn't realize that was an anniversary we celebrated. Should I have gotten people cards?
3) Man, you have gotta pay attention to the questions. I already don't know what they're talking about. This is hard.
4) Iran might have nuclear weapons in 4 years. So...they couldn't just buy some on Amazon from Iraq or somewhere? No? Is there a 4-year waiting list?
5) Wow, they really do not take the cameras off either of them, ever. No one is picking noses tonight.
6) Romney's flag pin is bigger than Obama's flag pin. Is the flag pin part of the dress code? Does Romney love America more because his flag pin is bigger?
7) Romney wants to kill the bad guys. Can he say that?
8) Obama is good at addressing people very directly. Or at least, he's good at talking right at Romney. His excellent people skills make me think that he will be good at addressing problems directly as well. This is part of his magic.
9) 'Tumult' is Romney's favorite word.
10)Does Romney have eyebrows? I can't be sure. Anyone? Found 'em!
11) Obama wants to do 'nation-building' in America. Like team-building? National obstacle course?! Trust falls?! National game of Capture the Flag, that's what I vote for!
12) You need a who's who of Middle Eastern dictators to be able to follow this thing. Are these guys on Facebook?
13) There need to be commercials. What if you have to pee? Or you just want to know if the question is over? How am I supposed to focus for this entire time without an exciting commercial to pique my interest in a product? (An American-made product!)
14) Does Obama want me to pay more taxes so we can invest in education? Is that what I heard? I already spend enough money buying stuff for my classroom, thanks.
15) Obama really likes to throw things Romney said back in his face. Somebody's been on youtube!
And the most important thing I've learned in my very short debate-watching experience...if you care about politics, you should do your homework before you watch a debate. Luckily, I do not care about politics. Not to say I don't care where our country is going, but I feel like if I don't really like either of the candidates, I'm not going to waste my vote supporting someone I don't actually care about.
And I don't particularly care about either of these guys. Maybe if they had talked about annexing Canada (maple syrup for everyone!) or building a land bridge to Europe (road trip!) or gay marriage (everybody loves everybody!), I'd care a little bit more. But as it is, I am just not into the politics thing this year. Or ever, really. There's a reason it's not my scene and that Nancy Pelosi and I are not BFF.
And now, time to watch some mind-numbing reality TV and allow my brain time to recuperate.
<3 Lauren
Debate muse music: Ballad Of A Politician - Regina Spektor
And seeing as how Bones isn't new because of said debate...I figured I might as well watch at least part of it. A very small part of it, because I can't listen to these dudes for two hours.
At least I'm not biased already...right?
Here's what I learned from tonight's debate:
1) We need to find new moderators. This dude has been on the screen for 30 seconds, and I'm already bored. Why can't Neil Patrick Harris host? He's cool, right? Not saying he has to write the questions or anything...but he'd at least be fun to watch. We could always Tweet him the questions we want answered! That's how America works now, isn't it? We should be able to vote on Twitter, like for American Idol.
2) 50 years ago today, JFK told everybody about how Russia was gonna nuke us from Cuba. I didn't realize that was an anniversary we celebrated. Should I have gotten people cards?
3) Man, you have gotta pay attention to the questions. I already don't know what they're talking about. This is hard.
4) Iran might have nuclear weapons in 4 years. So...they couldn't just buy some on Amazon from Iraq or somewhere? No? Is there a 4-year waiting list?
5) Wow, they really do not take the cameras off either of them, ever. No one is picking noses tonight.
6) Romney's flag pin is bigger than Obama's flag pin. Is the flag pin part of the dress code? Does Romney love America more because his flag pin is bigger?
7) Romney wants to kill the bad guys. Can he say that?
8) Obama is good at addressing people very directly. Or at least, he's good at talking right at Romney. His excellent people skills make me think that he will be good at addressing problems directly as well. This is part of his magic.
9) 'Tumult' is Romney's favorite word.
10)
11) Obama wants to do 'nation-building' in America. Like team-building? National obstacle course?! Trust falls?! National game of Capture the Flag, that's what I vote for!
12) You need a who's who of Middle Eastern dictators to be able to follow this thing. Are these guys on Facebook?
13) There need to be commercials. What if you have to pee? Or you just want to know if the question is over? How am I supposed to focus for this entire time without an exciting commercial to pique my interest in a product? (An American-made product!)
14) Does Obama want me to pay more taxes so we can invest in education? Is that what I heard? I already spend enough money buying stuff for my classroom, thanks.
15) Obama really likes to throw things Romney said back in his face. Somebody's been on youtube!
And the most important thing I've learned in my very short debate-watching experience...if you care about politics, you should do your homework before you watch a debate. Luckily, I do not care about politics. Not to say I don't care where our country is going, but I feel like if I don't really like either of the candidates, I'm not going to waste my vote supporting someone I don't actually care about.
And I don't particularly care about either of these guys. Maybe if they had talked about annexing Canada (maple syrup for everyone!) or building a land bridge to Europe (road trip!) or gay marriage (everybody loves everybody!), I'd care a little bit more. But as it is, I am just not into the politics thing this year. Or ever, really. There's a reason it's not my scene and that Nancy Pelosi and I are not BFF.
And now, time to watch some mind-numbing reality TV and allow my brain time to recuperate.
<3 Lauren
Debate muse music: Ballad Of A Politician - Regina Spektor
Delayed Gratification
Well, the mouse is dead. It was apparently dead for quite a while. Apparently, there was another secret mousetrap that I didn't know about living behind the frog cage...so really, the mouse has been dead for like, a week. I just didn't get the satisfaction of dancing the wicked-mouse-is-dead jig until Monica got home and found its dead body.
Which, technically, is on theme with today's post: delayed gratification. It is awesome!
Why is it awesome? I'm not quite sure. It just is. It's something different, I guess, from the way our lives usually function, where everything is instant and fancy now. Though that seems like it should make the inconvenience of waiting seem obnoxious... But I'll explain what has brought me to this conclusion.
I have been Christmas shopping. From my couch. Online Christmas shopping! It. Is. Great.
First, if you don't already know, you should know I love buying presents for people. Christmas is my favorite time of the year, because I can go spend money, guess at things that people might like and (when I have no clue) buy really funny gag gifts (which are just fun to begin with), and the whole time, everything smells fantastic. The thing that's really started to annoy me about Christmas shopping is the crowds; when I was younger, I didn't mind the crowds and the shoving and the picked over shelves. It was just part of the fun, elbowing old ladies out of the way and feeling like I'd gotten a sweet deal on a hand-veggie chopper I saw on TV but found at the mall for two and a half times the price. (No one in my family will ever, ever let me live that down, but Emilee tells me Aunt Val still occasionally uses that veggie chopper thing, so I feel like it was worth it.) And if there was nothing left I wanted to buy, it just meant I had to be more creative in my shopping!
But now, I just hate waiting in line. I don't like shopping in general (sometimes, if I haven't been in a while, it can be fun, but not on a regular basis), and so lines really annoy me. And people are rude. And the quality of stuff in stores is craptastic, which I suppose I didn't realize when I was younger, because I was just so happy to have money to buy things.
Which leads me to online Christmas shopping. It's still great. You can see what you're buying, read reviews of people who bought that thing, usually get a better deal on Amazon than anywhere else, and, la creme de la creme, you get to WAIT FOR IT IN THE MAIL. That's the most exciting part. Even more exciting than having something instantly in your hands that is now yours and will soon be wrapped up and gifted to someone else is the excitement of waiting for something to arrive IN THE MAIL.
Because seriously, when do we get mail anymore? All my mail is junk mail. All my bills and credit card statements and all that are online. I read Perez instead of subscribing to magazines. Emilee and I now text instead of sending weekly letters (which we totally used to, because we are the coolest cousins!) So the only time I get mail is if the NEA would like me to vote on something (LITERALLY EVERY DAY) or U of I wants my money (at least once a month) or someone gets married (too often). So waiting for a package in the mail is like, the ultimate excitement. And, you can now track your purchases online! You can watch them get closer! You can get psyched thinking about opening that box when you get home from work to check out the cool stuff you bought, even if it's not technically yours! It's all exciting and mysterious and fun--and for real, who doesn't like getting mail?
There you go. Delayed gratification in our instant, technology-filled world. Mail is still cool, and I can just smell my Scentsy if I want to pretend I'm at the mall in the middle of the holiday rush.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Ava - Coeur de Pirate
Also, to commemorate the poor mouse, I have drawn a stunning portrait of what I imagine to be its final moments:
Which, technically, is on theme with today's post: delayed gratification. It is awesome!
Why is it awesome? I'm not quite sure. It just is. It's something different, I guess, from the way our lives usually function, where everything is instant and fancy now. Though that seems like it should make the inconvenience of waiting seem obnoxious... But I'll explain what has brought me to this conclusion.
I have been Christmas shopping. From my couch. Online Christmas shopping! It. Is. Great.
First, if you don't already know, you should know I love buying presents for people. Christmas is my favorite time of the year, because I can go spend money, guess at things that people might like and (when I have no clue) buy really funny gag gifts (which are just fun to begin with), and the whole time, everything smells fantastic. The thing that's really started to annoy me about Christmas shopping is the crowds; when I was younger, I didn't mind the crowds and the shoving and the picked over shelves. It was just part of the fun, elbowing old ladies out of the way and feeling like I'd gotten a sweet deal on a hand-veggie chopper I saw on TV but found at the mall for two and a half times the price. (No one in my family will ever, ever let me live that down, but Emilee tells me Aunt Val still occasionally uses that veggie chopper thing, so I feel like it was worth it.) And if there was nothing left I wanted to buy, it just meant I had to be more creative in my shopping!
But now, I just hate waiting in line. I don't like shopping in general (sometimes, if I haven't been in a while, it can be fun, but not on a regular basis), and so lines really annoy me. And people are rude. And the quality of stuff in stores is craptastic, which I suppose I didn't realize when I was younger, because I was just so happy to have money to buy things.
Which leads me to online Christmas shopping. It's still great. You can see what you're buying, read reviews of people who bought that thing, usually get a better deal on Amazon than anywhere else, and, la creme de la creme, you get to WAIT FOR IT IN THE MAIL. That's the most exciting part. Even more exciting than having something instantly in your hands that is now yours and will soon be wrapped up and gifted to someone else is the excitement of waiting for something to arrive IN THE MAIL.
Because seriously, when do we get mail anymore? All my mail is junk mail. All my bills and credit card statements and all that are online. I read Perez instead of subscribing to magazines. Emilee and I now text instead of sending weekly letters (which we totally used to, because we are the coolest cousins!) So the only time I get mail is if the NEA would like me to vote on something (LITERALLY EVERY DAY) or U of I wants my money (at least once a month) or someone gets married (too often). So waiting for a package in the mail is like, the ultimate excitement. And, you can now track your purchases online! You can watch them get closer! You can get psyched thinking about opening that box when you get home from work to check out the cool stuff you bought, even if it's not technically yours! It's all exciting and mysterious and fun--and for real, who doesn't like getting mail?
There you go. Delayed gratification in our instant, technology-filled world. Mail is still cool, and I can just smell my Scentsy if I want to pretend I'm at the mall in the middle of the holiday rush.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Ava - Coeur de Pirate
Also, to commemorate the poor mouse, I have drawn a stunning portrait of what I imagine to be its final moments:
No, that is not a brick of poop. It's a glue trap with a blob of poisoned peanut butter. I made it 3D! And blue, because the real trap is black, but I thought it could use some more color. The green stuff is the poison.
This is why I teach French, not art.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Lions and Tigers and Vomiting Ghosts
My door is haunted.
This is not true. I know it's not true, but I've been trying to take a nap for like, an hour (teacher nap time, whaaat?!) and I can't because every time the lady upstairs walks across the floor, my bedroom door creaks a little, because I didn't close it all the way. It opens a little more every time.
This makes it scarier.
I know it's not haunted. I know the front door is locked. I know that the little girl ghost from the Sixth Sense has not taken up residence under my bed, waiting to grab my ankles when I put my foot down on the ground without thinking.
But I am still sitting in my bed, vaguely afraid that on the other side is that guy from the urban legend where the girl thinks she'd home with her dog, but really's it's a dude crawling around on her floor licking stuff.
If he, by chance, caught my mouse and hung it up in the shower by its tail, I'd be cool with that.
Except then I maybe wouldn't take a shower tomorrow. Gross.
Mouse is still on the loose, by the way. So if the little girl from the Sixth Sense isn't under my bed, it's got to be the mouse.
Okay, I'm going to be brave and ram the door closed with my hair dryer to scare away the mouse killing hand licker before I go try and download Modern Family.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Ghost - Ingrid Michaelson
This is not true. I know it's not true, but I've been trying to take a nap for like, an hour (teacher nap time, whaaat?!) and I can't because every time the lady upstairs walks across the floor, my bedroom door creaks a little, because I didn't close it all the way. It opens a little more every time.
This makes it scarier.
I know it's not haunted. I know the front door is locked. I know that the little girl ghost from the Sixth Sense has not taken up residence under my bed, waiting to grab my ankles when I put my foot down on the ground without thinking.
But I am still sitting in my bed, vaguely afraid that on the other side is that guy from the urban legend where the girl thinks she'd home with her dog, but really's it's a dude crawling around on her floor licking stuff.
If he, by chance, caught my mouse and hung it up in the shower by its tail, I'd be cool with that.
Except then I maybe wouldn't take a shower tomorrow. Gross.
Mouse is still on the loose, by the way. So if the little girl from the Sixth Sense isn't under my bed, it's got to be the mouse.
Okay, I'm going to be brave and ram the door closed with my hair dryer to scare away the mouse killing hand licker before I go try and download Modern Family.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Ghost - Ingrid Michaelson
Friday, October 12, 2012
Mice Belong In Labs
I SAW A MOUSE.
It was adorable. But that is beside the point.
I am home alone, and I saw a mouse. It was under the stove, poking its adorable little whiskered face out at me like 'yo, is that a Grey's rerun I hear you watching in there? Is it an Izzie loves Alex episode? Cuz I like those, too, and I thought maybe I could come chill in there...oh...no? Okay, whatever, you don't have to scream.'
Actually, I didn't scream. But only because at first, I thought it was a frog. I don't know how that's less scary, but whatever. I just looked at it, then I sat up, it saw me move, and it ran back under the stove, where it apparently loves to lurk. It stuck its face out a minute later and saw me still looking at it in a horrified manner, and I haven't seen it since.
But it's still there. I can sense it.
Google says mice can climb into beds and up walls and that they know how to jump and that if they bite you, you have to get a rabies shot. The internet is not comforting.
Neither, by the way, are ANY OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I don't see how it's simply unreasonable to go to Wal-Mart and buy someone in need some freaking mouse traps and maybe some poison and a laser gun at 11 o'clock at night. Especially when there are ninja-mice lurking in the kitchen.
Seriously. You are all dead to me.
You know what's not dead to me, though? The mouse. Which brings me to my point: mice do not belong in kitchens, where there is all the food and the water and through which I have to walk to go get my laundry. They belong in labs, curing cancer and testing out new shades of lipstick for Clinique. I have never been more in favor of animal testing than I am at this moment; if there's a lipstick lab nearby that needs a test subject, I have a perfectly adorable one for you.
I JUST HEARD A NOISE OH HOLY CRAP IT WAS PROBABLY THE MOUSE.
I have to go. I have to horde all my things, turn on lights to blind it (because the internet is never wrong, right?) and shove a towel under my door so it can't get to me.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Comme des enfants - Coeur de Pirate
It was adorable. But that is beside the point.
I am home alone, and I saw a mouse. It was under the stove, poking its adorable little whiskered face out at me like 'yo, is that a Grey's rerun I hear you watching in there? Is it an Izzie loves Alex episode? Cuz I like those, too, and I thought maybe I could come chill in there...oh...no? Okay, whatever, you don't have to scream.'
Actually, I didn't scream. But only because at first, I thought it was a frog. I don't know how that's less scary, but whatever. I just looked at it, then I sat up, it saw me move, and it ran back under the stove, where it apparently loves to lurk. It stuck its face out a minute later and saw me still looking at it in a horrified manner, and I haven't seen it since.
But it's still there. I can sense it.
Google says mice can climb into beds and up walls and that they know how to jump and that if they bite you, you have to get a rabies shot. The internet is not comforting.
Neither, by the way, are ANY OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY. I don't see how it's simply unreasonable to go to Wal-Mart and buy someone in need some freaking mouse traps and maybe some poison and a laser gun at 11 o'clock at night. Especially when there are ninja-mice lurking in the kitchen.
Seriously. You are all dead to me.
You know what's not dead to me, though? The mouse. Which brings me to my point: mice do not belong in kitchens, where there is all the food and the water and through which I have to walk to go get my laundry. They belong in labs, curing cancer and testing out new shades of lipstick for Clinique. I have never been more in favor of animal testing than I am at this moment; if there's a lipstick lab nearby that needs a test subject, I have a perfectly adorable one for you.
I JUST HEARD A NOISE OH HOLY CRAP IT WAS PROBABLY THE MOUSE.
I have to go. I have to horde all my things, turn on lights to blind it (because the internet is never wrong, right?) and shove a towel under my door so it can't get to me.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Comme des enfants - Coeur de Pirate
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Scentsy is Cool.
I couldn't think of anything that rhymed with Scentsy, so if you know of a word...you should let me know.
Anyway, today I almost wore the wrong pants to work, forgot my phone, and have basically been in a Tuesday-after-a-3-day-weekend haze. But one thing made it better: Scentsy!
I might be obsessed.
Scentsy is basically a candle that just melts and doesn't burn and makes things smell pretty. It's for girls. My cousin Emilee has raved about hers, so when a friend at work was taking orders, I was like 'oh, okay, I give in' because really, who doesn't love buying things from catalogs? Catalogs are also cool. But anyway, about the Scentsy.
IT SMELLS SO PRETTY!
I put one in my classroom, with this black raspberry vanilla wax, right? So tomorrow, I'm basically going to want to lick the walls. This is why I cannot have candles that smell like food, or I will just want to lick the hot wax, which is sort of not advisable. And I put one in my bedroom, which now smells like heaven. It also looks pretty, too, because you can get them in fancy designs, and they light up from the inside, and it's just great.
Scentsy is the new Coach purses!
The one smelly downside is that I, personally, am ruining the Scentsy scent by reeking of tea tree oil like a hippie who doesn't know when their next shower is coming. I'm attempting to remove skin tags without snipping them off with nail clippers (can you say INFECTION?) or tying them with dental floss (even undesirable bits of body falling off does not sound awesome), and the internet says that tea tree oil applied 3 times a day will dry them so much that they fall off in 2-3 weeks.
And the internet is never wrong. Right?
So anyway, I literally reek of expensive internet oil. It's kind of killing my Scentsy buzz, but at least it's only for 2-3 weeks. Which is basically just enough time to order more Scentsy to celebrate!
Good things come to those who wait, dontcha know.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles
Anyway, today I almost wore the wrong pants to work, forgot my phone, and have basically been in a Tuesday-after-a-3-day-weekend haze. But one thing made it better: Scentsy!
I might be obsessed.
Scentsy is basically a candle that just melts and doesn't burn and makes things smell pretty. It's for girls. My cousin Emilee has raved about hers, so when a friend at work was taking orders, I was like 'oh, okay, I give in' because really, who doesn't love buying things from catalogs? Catalogs are also cool. But anyway, about the Scentsy.
IT SMELLS SO PRETTY!
I put one in my classroom, with this black raspberry vanilla wax, right? So tomorrow, I'm basically going to want to lick the walls. This is why I cannot have candles that smell like food, or I will just want to lick the hot wax, which is sort of not advisable. And I put one in my bedroom, which now smells like heaven. It also looks pretty, too, because you can get them in fancy designs, and they light up from the inside, and it's just great.
Scentsy is the new Coach purses!
The one smelly downside is that I, personally, am ruining the Scentsy scent by reeking of tea tree oil like a hippie who doesn't know when their next shower is coming. I'm attempting to remove skin tags without snipping them off with nail clippers (can you say INFECTION?) or tying them with dental floss (even undesirable bits of body falling off does not sound awesome), and the internet says that tea tree oil applied 3 times a day will dry them so much that they fall off in 2-3 weeks.
And the internet is never wrong. Right?
So anyway, I literally reek of expensive internet oil. It's kind of killing my Scentsy buzz, but at least it's only for 2-3 weeks. Which is basically just enough time to order more Scentsy to celebrate!
Good things come to those who wait, dontcha know.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles
Monday, October 8, 2012
'I set fires to feel joy.'
Today is an epic day. Not just because it is the day that Columbus discovered America (thanks for the day off, dude), but because today, Landen and I saw a good movie.
That does not sound epic. You probably want to stop reading. But you shouldn't, because I should explain: Landen and I do not see good movies. In the past year, I think we've seen every shit movie ever made. We willingly pay money to go and stare slack-jawed at a giant screen and watch stories that do not make any sense and which will win no Oscars. Or to laugh at the terribleness. Part of it, I think, has to do with our film selection process.
Here's an example of our normal pre-movies conversation:
I should note that this normally takes place when one or both of us are in our pajamas, with computers in our laps and Vampire Diaries playing in the background.
Landen: So, (insert name of sexy-hot actor here) is in this movie (insert really pretentious movie title here), and it's playing in like, five minutes.
Me: What's it about?
Landen: I dunno.
Me: ...I'll put the rum in my purse, you put some ice cream in a tupperware, we'll only miss the first couple previews!
So, yeah. That's probably part of the problem.
But today, we actually saw a movie we've been planning on seeing since we first saw the previews at a showing of some crap movie about a bike messenger involved in some kind of Asian kidnapping ring. (It had Joseph Gordon-Levitt.)
And that movie was Pitch Perfect. It was, by the way, pretty damn perfect.
But that's not the whole point here. Okay, the point is that yes, we broke the movie curse. From now on, we can surely surge forward in our cinematic adventures without fear of needing to finish the rum in order to not demand a refund by the time the lights come up. But I think the real point is this: Rebel Wilson and I are meant to be best friends.
Seriously. If we teamed up, I bet we could take over the world. Bitch can sing, which I cannot, so you know, we even each other out there. Neither of us can dance, but I took ballet once upon a time, and I speak French, so we could put something together there. She's from Australia, so there's some exotic elements there, but the deal maker here is that she's funny as shit. Every time she opens her mouth, not like, 20/80, which is more my ratio. I'd be the serious one, which is okay, because I'd be gunning for the title of President, and she'd only be the VP, which we all know is just a title given to the hardest partier in the nation.
You guys would vote for us, right?
Whatever, so point being, Landen and I saw a movie, it was awesome, and I have a new BFF. And a new catch phrase, which, incidentally, is the title of this blog.
Happy Columbus Day!
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Fire - Ingrid Michaelson (right on theme!)
That does not sound epic. You probably want to stop reading. But you shouldn't, because I should explain: Landen and I do not see good movies. In the past year, I think we've seen every shit movie ever made. We willingly pay money to go and stare slack-jawed at a giant screen and watch stories that do not make any sense and which will win no Oscars. Or to laugh at the terribleness. Part of it, I think, has to do with our film selection process.
Here's an example of our normal pre-movies conversation:
I should note that this normally takes place when one or both of us are in our pajamas, with computers in our laps and Vampire Diaries playing in the background.
Landen: So, (insert name of sexy-hot actor here) is in this movie (insert really pretentious movie title here), and it's playing in like, five minutes.
Me: What's it about?
Landen: I dunno.
Me: ...I'll put the rum in my purse, you put some ice cream in a tupperware, we'll only miss the first couple previews!
So, yeah. That's probably part of the problem.
But today, we actually saw a movie we've been planning on seeing since we first saw the previews at a showing of some crap movie about a bike messenger involved in some kind of Asian kidnapping ring. (It had Joseph Gordon-Levitt.)
And that movie was Pitch Perfect. It was, by the way, pretty damn perfect.
But that's not the whole point here. Okay, the point is that yes, we broke the movie curse. From now on, we can surely surge forward in our cinematic adventures without fear of needing to finish the rum in order to not demand a refund by the time the lights come up. But I think the real point is this: Rebel Wilson and I are meant to be best friends.
Seriously. If we teamed up, I bet we could take over the world. Bitch can sing, which I cannot, so you know, we even each other out there. Neither of us can dance, but I took ballet once upon a time, and I speak French, so we could put something together there. She's from Australia, so there's some exotic elements there, but the deal maker here is that she's funny as shit. Every time she opens her mouth, not like, 20/80, which is more my ratio. I'd be the serious one, which is okay, because I'd be gunning for the title of President, and she'd only be the VP, which we all know is just a title given to the hardest partier in the nation.
You guys would vote for us, right?
Whatever, so point being, Landen and I saw a movie, it was awesome, and I have a new BFF. And a new catch phrase, which, incidentally, is the title of this blog.
Happy Columbus Day!
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Fire - Ingrid Michaelson (right on theme!)
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Here I Go Again
Well, here I go again.
I've tried blogging both successfully and disastrously in the past. The one time I've ever managed to accomplish anything by doing it is when I went to France for a while in 2011 and forced myself to write about what I did every day, because otherwise I was doing absolutely nothing but eating, drinking, wandering around Paris, and laying on the beach in the south. And I had to be productive somehow, or else I could not properly call myself an American, clearly.
I've tried random blogs about teaching (times two) and also one about why I should be the president. Because I should. Just ask about my campaign platforms.
But it turns out that I hate themed blogs about as much as I hate politics. I don't even know who Nancy Pelosi is, but I know it's bad that I don't.
So for this blog, I promise nothing. There shall be no limits and no constraints and no damn themes. Therefore, no expectations! Get ready for me NOT to be funny or to have witty insights. But get ready for me to ramble, to tell ridiculous stories, and occasionally to bitch. A lot.
This is mostly because I like to write, and because Landen said so.
<3 Lauren
Today's muse music: Folding Chair - Regina Spektor
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