The Procrastinator's Guide to Election 2012

I have been doing nothing related to the election this year. Or last year. Or ever. But apparently, there is ONE MORE DEBATE and it is now.

And seeing as how Bones isn't new because of said debate...I figured I might as well watch at least part of it. A very small part of it, because I can't listen to these dudes for two hours.

At least I'm not biased already...right?

Here's what I learned from tonight's debate:

1)  We need to find new moderators. This dude has been on the screen for 30 seconds, and I'm already bored. Why can't Neil Patrick Harris host? He's cool, right? Not saying he has to write the questions or anything...but he'd at least be fun to watch. We could always Tweet him the questions we want answered! That's how America works now, isn't it? We should be able to vote on Twitter, like for American Idol.

2)  50 years ago today, JFK told everybody about how Russia was gonna nuke us from Cuba. I didn't realize that was an anniversary we celebrated. Should I have gotten people cards?

3)  Man, you have gotta pay attention to the questions. I already don't know what they're talking about. This is hard.

4)  Iran might have nuclear weapons in 4 years. So...they couldn't just buy some on Amazon from Iraq or somewhere? No? Is there a 4-year waiting list?

5)  Wow, they really do not take the cameras off either of them, ever. No one is picking noses tonight.

6)  Romney's flag pin is bigger than Obama's flag pin. Is the flag pin part of the dress code? Does Romney love America more because his flag pin is bigger?

7)  Romney wants to kill the bad guys. Can he say that?

8)  Obama is good at addressing people very directly. Or at least, he's good at talking right at Romney. His excellent people skills make me think that he will be good at addressing problems directly as well. This is part of his magic.

9)  'Tumult' is Romney's favorite word.

10)  Does Romney have eyebrows? I can't be sure. Anyone? Found 'em!

11)  Obama wants to do 'nation-building' in America. Like team-building? National obstacle course?! Trust falls?! National game of Capture the Flag, that's what I vote for!

12)  You need a who's who of  Middle Eastern dictators to be able to follow this thing. Are these guys on Facebook?

13)  There need to be commercials. What if you have to pee? Or you just want to know if the question is over? How am I supposed to focus for this entire time without an exciting commercial to pique my interest in a product? (An American-made product!)

14)  Does Obama want me to pay more taxes so we can invest in education? Is that what I heard? I already spend enough money buying stuff for my classroom, thanks.

15)  Obama really likes to throw things Romney said back in his face. Somebody's been on youtube!

And the most important thing I've learned in my very short debate-watching experience...if you care about politics, you should do your homework before you watch a debate. Luckily, I do not care about politics. Not to say I don't care where our country is going, but I feel like if I don't really like either of the candidates, I'm not going to waste my vote supporting someone I don't actually care about.

And I don't particularly care about either of these guys. Maybe if they had talked about annexing Canada (maple syrup for everyone!) or building a land bridge to Europe (road trip!) or gay marriage (everybody loves everybody!), I'd care a little bit more. But as it is, I am just not into the politics thing this year. Or ever, really. There's a reason it's not my scene and that Nancy Pelosi and I are not BFF.

And now, time to watch some mind-numbing reality TV and allow my brain time to recuperate.

<3 Lauren

Debate muse music:  Ballad Of A Politician - Regina Spektor